Change your perspective; change your life

A young man named Mario came up to me with the list of values he had identified for himself during an exercise I had just led. With tears in his eyes and desperate hope in his expression, he asked me, “is it possible that some of these positive things (e.g., considerate, caring, helpful, wise) could be true about me?” 

This is a true story, set in a prison about 25 years ago where I had the privilege of training some inmates who wanted to learn how to coach young men who were starting down a road of crime and were at risk of heading towards prison. The current inmates wanted to stop that progression. On this day in question, we were working with how to identify personal values and find one’s inherent worth. It usually is a powerful piece of work, but it was particularly moving in this setting.

Mario, who was then in his 20s, grew up on the streets in a ghetto being told his whole life that he was worthless. Over and over that message was delivered and reinforced so that it became his identity which of course drove the behaviours that landed him in prison. He thought that was his identity – until that day.

Values are powerful!

Mario had the opportunity to change his perspective of himself. His values, along with another vision exercise that helped him see his possibilities, were radical revelations to him that opened him up to new thoughts, new possibilities and desires. These would lead to new behaviours.  

My own eye-opening moments

Meanwhile, I had my own mind-busting revelations as I worked with the inmates over the three days of that course. Many small things happened that made me re-evaluate myself and my views.

Even though I thought I was open-minded, I had to face my own unconscious biases and assumptions about people who were in prison. As I got to know these men, I could see their humanity, witness their dreams and experience their intelligence, wisdom and humour. Some of them truly wanted to make the world a better place but they made a mistake along the way and had landed in one big obstacle called prison.  Or maybe it was prison itself that made them want to change the world. Who knows.

My prison experience was a life-changing event for me. Not only did I have to challenge my perspectives (that I didn’t know I held!) about inmates, I also had to challenge how I saw anyone who was different from me.

This lesson had me double down on the conviction that we have a choice for how we see ourselves, others and the world. That commitment has guided my work over the last 25 years and still orients me to how I want to work in the future.

Changing your perspective will change your impact

The choice we make of how we see ourselves will determine what we think (consciously and unconsciously) which leads to the feelings and emotions that drive our behaviour. How we behave in the world of course is the avenue for how we impact others.

Lessons learned by being a student