Who is responsible for feedback being received?

There’s no sense in giving feedback if the person can’t really hear it or consider how it might help them.

When we’re tired, stressed, triggered, overwhelmed it’s very difficult to hear feedback and next to impossible to take it on board.

So, when giving feedback, it is partly our responsibility to ensure the other person is in a state where they can hear what we have to say. When trying to force feedback at the wrong time, it will most likely create resentment or irritation.

Well, what then? How do we do this?

• Choose a time when the other person isn’t stressed or overly busy. Put yourself in their shoes – when might be a good time to hear the feedback you have for them?
• Ask them when a good time would be to have a conversation.
• Create agreements about how you will give each other feedback – preferably before it’s time to give feedback.
• Stay calm. If you are angry or upset, you need to get that out of your system before giving feedback. Emotions are contagious, so your emotional state will impact the receiver and possibly make it difficult for them to hear you.
• Have a growth mindset – in other words, have their best interest in mind. Make the feedback in service of growth rather than just telling someone what they did wrong – this is often known as feeding forward.
• Remember that you can’t control what the other person does with the feedback. If you are a manager, you can co-create goals for next steps.
• Don’t sweat the small stuff. Sometimes your feedback may be better left unsaid. Only give feedback if it’s really going to make a difference. 

Feedback is notoriously difficult to give and to receive. And it will continue to be so. If we accept this as a fact and work with our emotional brains, we can manage the difficulties and have more productive growth-oriented conversations.

When delivered well, feedback will strengthen a relationship.

Cold water swimming – what’s the hype all about?Run, play, laugh, dance!